What has this state done to me?

[sestree]

I have to wonder at the long term impact Maryland has had on my normally sunny pollyanna generous personality. Today I feel like scum. I actually turned down a handicapped person asking for help - when I realized what I had done I went back and offered but still my first reaction was 'what will happen to ME if ....'

Here's what happened: I had just finished filling up my car at the Exxon right off of 198 in Laurel when a van obviously equipped with a wheelchair lift pulls up and the gentleman asks me if I would help his daughter pump his gas so he didn't have to get out of the van. He further explained it takes 15 minutes or more to get his wheelchair out and into it etc etc. I actually told him I wouldn't be comfortable (I shudder when I read these words) even though I could see the wheelchair in back and the lift and the 9 year old daughter in the passenger seat. He was gracious and didn't blame me but asked about a full service station in Laurel. I didn't know any.

Anyway, he pulled up to the pumps and I realized just how big a jackass I was so yes I went and helped.

5 years ago I would've gladly, CHEERFULLY assisted him. Now I cringe when a stranger talks to me in a public place like a gas station.

I am virtually in tears here as I post this ---- this is SOOOO not me. I mean I ffg worked in the medical field with people with disabilities....and I almost turned away from a person needing help.

I think *I* am the one needing help. Geesh. I am dirt.

EDIT:This isn't a slam against Maryland but rather a shocked look at how much a change in address has changed me.

Comments

keeping it in perspective.....

[blenderwench.livejournal.com]

Typically, I would be the one to place myself into a potentially unsafe situation and would have jumped at the opportunity to help, too....

HOWEVER, I think, in today's society overall - especially ones with metropolitan areas - you hear on the news how people are accosted or raped or murdered on the evening news daily. So, for you to be cautious is really the way today's environment has asked us to react. To be safe, to think things through before random acts of kindness.

The IMPORTANT part is to realize that after you had the initial reaction of protecting yourself, you stepped back, assessed the situation, and still went back to help. And THAT, my dear, is very very commendable.

You noticed you assumed wrong, and you fixed the situation. Most people would continue to just walk the other way.

So, HUZZAH to you!!!

[selkiesiren.livejournal.com]

::big hugs::

Oh, hon...please don't trash yourself. The reality of this world is that there is *reason* to be fearful. With arrests out there for people even so much as touching a minor childs elbow, God knows that the instinct to protect self has spread to areas where, in past, we would have acted without a second thought.

It isn't Maryland, and it *certainly* isn't you. The "you" in this incident is the person who went back and helped, and that is to be congratulated.

Re: keeping it in perspective.....

[sestree.livejournal.com]

Thank you --- I did go back but I have never acted like this in my life. It's a little unnerving to say the least. This could have something to do with the fact I watch the morning news while I walk on the treadmill.

[sestree.livejournal.com]

You're entirely correct -- it is not Maryland necessarily but my reaction to the crime level here I guess. I moved here right after 9/11 and right before the snipers. I never thought I'd be the one who did this. Now I'll just have to be more aware and compromise the urge to protect with the urge to help.

[sanveangirl.livejournal.com]

**HUGS** You are not dirt, by any means. I had a "weird" stranger experience, too.

I had someone walk quietly up behind me in the PetSmart parking lot a few weeks ago - as I was unlocking my car. They asked me for directions to a place I'd never heard of (I advised the person to ask one of the PetSmart employees for directions, since I had no clue of what they were talking about). It kinda freaked me out, too!

It's sad that you have to be on your guard in public, especially when you are alone, isn't it???

[sestree.livejournal.com]

It's sad that you have to be on your guard in public, especially when you are alone, isn't it???

I swear sometimes we think so much alike. It IS sad. Sad that there can be a threat (real or perceived) virtually anywhere.